I put the word “interesting” in quotation marks, frankly, because sometimes I’d much rather use a word like “dumbass.” Esther-Angie is trying to convert me to her namaste, tree-hugging, all life is special frame of mind though, so I’m being respectful of that. (I’m fucking courteous, remember?)
First, let’s discuss people who have no understanding of personal space. If you know me well, you know that I like a no trespassing zone around me of, say, two feet or so. It’s just common sense and common courtesy to respect someone else’s personal space. Why the hell, then, doesn’t everyone seem to understand that?
If I’m standing at a particular spot, say the Grand Canyon for example, looking out and gazing at the wonder someone’s God has created, there is NO REASON to try to squish in front of me or right next to me. Back the fuck off, Jack, and get up out my bubble! There’s plenty of Grand Canyon to go around for everyone!
Next, there are the women who seem like they pretend to like the outdoors but probably don’t. I’ve seen plenty of them on this trip…they’re the ones with the color-coordinated leggings and shirts, the cute little down-filled vests, expensive boots, full make up (including dark lipstick), and perfume. Contrast that with Angie-Esther’s and my appearances: stubble on our legs and in our pits, wearing clothes that we’ve likely already worn this week, hopefully having remember to put on deodorant.
Pretty ladies, you KNOW you don’t want to be traipsing around a volcanic ash ruin or walking your ass up and down a trail so stop pretending that you’re ok with it. Tell your man the truth; you’d rather be at the mall. It’s ok. Really. Although I will never understand people who don’t like the outdoors, I respect their right to feel that way, however weird it may be.
Last on the list are the people with kids. It’s always interesting to watch the families with kids and how they interact with one another. This morning, we had the privilege of watching the family across from us as they came out of the cabin and loaded up the car. Out came one kid. Then another. Then another. Then another. Then another. It was like a damn clown car. Don’t forget there was also a mom and a dad. That’s a total of SEVEN people crammed into a teeny tiny cabin that is supposed to sleep four. No thank you.
At Sunset Crater Volcano National Park I stood next to a mom and dad and their two young girls, who were all looking out over the ash. The littlest girl, maybe 7 years old, started spinning in a circle marveling at the sights before her. “It’s so…cowabunga!” she said as she twirled. Her mom told her to “stop being obnoxious” or she’d be forced to go wait in the car. Really, bitch? The kid has the intelligence to understand that what she’s seeing is fucking AMAZING, and you think she’s being obnoxious? YOU are obnoxious, madame bitch! Let the damn kid “cowabunga” to her heart’s content!
Finally, there was a very funny family we ran into on one of the trails today. They were trying to get some family photos and rude Esther-Angie was in their way. I said, “Get your ass out of the way, Thompson. They don’t want you in their picture.” From that point on, the dad referred to us as “Thompson and Thompson’s friend” and had his girls refer to us that way. We saw them again further up the trail and he mentioned, “There’s that Thompson and Thompson’s friend again, following us.” Later on her told his kids to “say goodbye to Thompson and Thompson’s friend.” Kick ass, dad! Have a great sense of humor, teach your kids to do the same, and I bet they won’t grow up to be assholes like the ones who are all up in my bubble today OR the asshole who left a FUCKING CIGARETTE BUTT in the Grand Canyon! (Yes, I picked it up and threw it away. And, by “threw it away,” I mean that I laid it on the floor of Esther-Angie’s car where it may or may not still be.)
I had steak for dinner. Delicious steak. I may go into a meat coma at some point tonight.