In no particular order of importance:
1. Don’t choose the shower stall nearest the shitter . Obviously, this is self explanatory.
2. Green means “go” in AZ, just like on the Gulf Coast. It doesn’t matter how great the conversation or car dancing is. Green light? Go, dumbass.
3. When relieving oneself at a tourist attraction bathroom (or anywhere else, for that matter), one should not feel a breeze on one’s ass coming up from beneath one’s ass.
4. Porcupine poop and deer poop look strikingly similar. Also, SOME people carry Ziploc bags with them in which to place animal poop.
5. Never ever eat at a place called SomeBurros. Unless you like grease to drop from your taco. In that case, bon appetit, mother fucker.
6. Always pack jeans, a book, and more snacks than you think you’ll need. FYI…salt and pepper pistachios are the bomb. Yes the bomb.
7. It shows in AZ in the spring. Duh.
8. European tourists do not respect “the bubble.” They also don’t understand condescending remarks or aigha of annoyance when they’ve crossed the bubble boundary.
9. Never ask a server who has not yet clocked in to refill your coffee. Especially the one at Denny’s in Winslow. She’s a bitch.
10. Having a checklist of things to do works much better if you actually check off the things as you do then.
11. Never trust the combined memories of two middle-aged women. (See above)
12. NPR doesn’t suck as badly as Kim thought it did.
13. I’d given the choice, always take the hotel with the hot tub – even if there’s a weird dad in it.
14. The north rim of the Grand Canyon is closed until April. No, really. It’s closed. It doesn’t matter how awesome you are.
15. It’s possible to go a week without TV and not really miss it. Except for the Walking Dead. Figure out how to watch that shit!
I would like to add…
16. Never recenter the map…because Flagstaff is NOT north of Dallas…
17. Always double check Kim’s directions.
18. Kim has the most regular pooping schedule of any person I know.
19. Never trust the first picture you see when trying to identify poop..or you will be out wandering around looking for a non-existent porcupine late at night.
20. Never eat as Someburros. Ever, even if you only choice is starvation or alleged porcupine poo.
21. When you traveling companion is 5’11” and sleeping in a bunk bed, you will hear a lot of, “ouch, mother fucker, oh shit, goddammit, etc” (Why she didn’t get on the top bunk? Who knows)